Emotional Suicide

I define emotional suicide as the action of doing something knowing it is going to wreck you. In my case last night, it was reading John Green’s The Fault in our Stars.

During winter break, a friend of mine sent it to me and told me to read it warning me it would make me emotional. This past weekend, my friend and roommate read and she cried through the whole thing. That might have told me off, I mean if Wissal cries, I’m gonna sob. But I still started reading it a few days ago. Due to the fact that I’ve been having long days, by the time I get to my room I’m just too tired to read, but I decided yesterday that it wouldn’t stop me. So when I got in my bed at around 11:30 p.m. the waterworks started. I spent at least 2 hours sobbing, through the whole thing. It was of course, extremely hard to just read most of the time because everything would become foggy through my tears, but I still finished it and it wrecked me.

You might think I stopped there. Cried a bit, got up, washed my face then went to sleep. Well, no. I just laid there on my bed, trying to breathe because that became physically challenging. Then, as I was scrolling down my timeline on facebook, I found a video from an animated movie I used to watch as a kid. It wasn’t any movie actually, it was my late grand mother’s favourite. So I clicked on it and watched it. Needless to say that the waterworks didn’t stop.

Stopped there? No! Even more masochistic. I had to watch the newest NCIS episode that I had been waiting for for two weeks. I did cry, just not as much as I expected. I’m pretty sure my body is drained from all tears.

It is quite ironic that just yesterday I was doing a speech on being book hangover and how I’ve spent most of my life as such. And now I find myself looking like a zombie, unable to move and having the worst tears induced headache in history. Hopefully, I’ll feel just a tiny bit better before I’ll have to go to class, in the sun, which I absolutely HATE due to the fact it causes me constant headaches. Yay, headaches..

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