There is warmth spreading. Slowly. Life coming back to you. Your emptiness turns into something else. You cannot really tell what it is, but it is changing, slowly, into something beautiful. It feels good. It feels so good that you forget where you are. Not completely though, just for a split second, long enough for you not to freak out. Those familiar faces surrounding you, some you have known for years, others for merely a few weeks, but it made no difference. You are there, all of you, engulfed by the aura of the last night. You don’t necessarily speak of it. You don’t necessarily judge whether it is good or bad. But everyone knows it is the last night. Of what? You may ask. None of you actually know. The lot of you are just there, in the midst of the moment, and you are caught up in your own self, as always.
“Go beyond your existence” someone once told you. It never made absolute sense. Yet, in that moment, you could tell you were, in fact, caught within your own existence. How to transcend? Perhaps Thoreau or Emerson would have an answer, but you were not really looking for one.
You found something else to get caught up on. You could feel a ghost of a smile being etched on your face. A tingling feeling. Peculiar eyes. A moment of instant infatuation. It all came crashing in at once and the ghost left instantly, going back to its original concrete state. Your smile was no longer a ghost, it was alive. It made your eyes sparkle and your cheek ache but you did not stop.
A tug on your arm. Gazes meeting halfway. Two bodies as one, intertwined in one honest hug. Goosebumps despite layers of clothing. Exaltation. And then, the cold. Except this time, it was not from within you. It was the real cold, one from the outside caused by the noblest form of precipitations. The memory of that one moment was hovering over you. It would keep doing so until the cold leaves you and you are all mush inside. However long that takes.
You are unsure, as always. Hesitant. Tentative. Short-lived craze? Forever lasting reluctance? The walls, they’re still there. Fencing you in. Freeing you out. Though they seemed to be getting thinner, they had yet to crumble and fall so you could rise and shine. At least, that’s what they say. They, the abominable they.
Despite the reluctance, hesitation and built up fear you carry around with you. You decide not to think of it. For one day, one day only, you are one foolishly crazed person on a train with a dumb smile on your face looking out the window at one breathe taking sunset. You are content.
Photo Credits: Nada Allouch